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Pages: What is your take on this? [1]
Author Topic: What is your take on this?
trigg

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Posts: 42

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2012-02-05 16-42-44

What is your take on this? Sex has been boring with my fiance lately. Meaning, every time we have sex it's always in the same position, always at the same time, always in the bedroom, always ends the same way. She gets up and runs to the bathroom to flush my cum out of her, wash her face and hands, brush her teeth, and then gets back into bed to snuggle, and then thats it. Every time I try and talk with her about trying new things she gets all defensive and can't open up about it. To put it bluntly, she sucks at talking about sex with me and I don't know what to do. I can't talk about it with her because it ends up being an argument every time. I'm trying to tell her how I feel and what I think would make things better for both of us, and she's close minded about the whole thing. I'm defninitely more experienced in this field, thats for sure; but she could be so sexy and hot in bed if she got into it more and allowed passion into our sex lives. I want some danger, some unexpected, some blow jobs for crying out loud. I have to ask for a blow job every time. And, when I try and go down on her *(which I love to do, and at least I think she enjoys it), she always pulls my head back up and wants me to throw it in right away and get it on and over with. Just need some advice. I know this is the Kink forum, but was hoping some of you kinksters could help with some scenarios and advice for this situation. I'm x and love to fuck. I'm just bored as hell in the bedroom, and I don't know what the hell is going to get her to change. I'm nervous that my sexual desires and fatasies are going to lead me astray in the future, and I want to take preventative steps now to keep that from happening. Please. And, thank you.
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stempien

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2012-04-14 9-28-19-

Increase your communication skills Some of the phrasing you've used here are red flags that you both are not communicating well. When you say things like "every time" or "she sucks at..." it shows that you are not communicating WITH her. Rather, you are talking AT her and cking her - so of course she'd get defensive. You might benefit from learning how to practice "active listening" skills together as a couple in order for both of you to increase your skills of communicating about sex and life in general. Good luck!
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Elsinore

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2012-06-02 13-03-53

Agreed... it's a bigger problem than the sex if you can't talk about the sex. People defend when they feel cked. What about this issue or about you makes her feel cked? BOTH of you need to understand that first--and not with theof deciding who's to blame for it. It's no one's "fault." But both of you might need to adjust the way you address things in order for it to be possible to talk. Once you can talk, then you can revisit the sex thing. I think it's hard to talk your way into great chemistry. I'm afraid I fall into the "it's either there or it isn't" camp. But skills--those you most definitely can learn.
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vadas

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2012-08-31 21-34-48

go to couples therapy where you can learn how to communicate with each other if you can't discuss it, it won't ever get better there is no easy way to learn how to talk about these things, perhaps a pro can help
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flaherty

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2012-09-07 6-31-08-

talk with her outside the bedroom on a quiet evening while snuggling on the couch just talk...listen for HER needs...the way to get her to opne up is to show her she can trust you to care, listen and love her no matter what..
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kozar

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2012-11-11 2-43-35-

I'd add to this it might help if you can't see each other's faces, in terms of her comfort level. You'll have to work your way up to direct communication. In writing might not be a bad way to go either.
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  • duffett

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    2012-12-30 9-24-52-

    plus x..yep and a counselor is a good way to mediate these things..non threatening
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    callinan

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    2013-02-24 1-23-44-

    email might work
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  • simmer

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    2013-03-25 10-48-28

    prblem with email is you cant see the reaction..there might be mis understanding and the stress bulids that when they do see each other there is immediate shouting...face to face is the best way..and as stated with a counselor if they cant open up to each other
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  • rokos

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    2013-05-03 7-04-38-

    oh i agree but if she can't face him, email might be an option it sounds like she thinks sex is dirty,and that can be tough to work through
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    Almerinda

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    2013-08-09 0-29-55-

    It has its benefits too though - you can ask someone close to you to read it and make sure you're conveying what you want to convey - she can react and respond in her own way, on her own time without feeling like he's judging her every facial expression - she has time to think through her response carefully and not feel pressured to say something quickly
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    gandara

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    2013-09-02 14-42-48

    you both have a point thats why I like the idea of writing letters and then reading them t each other..or reading them in front of each other..then yu can explain what yu mean withot hours of mindfuck
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  • hettel

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    2013-10-08 17-52-33

    agreed
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    ellena

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    2013-10-16 2-54-41-

    YES!!! This method has worked for me in so many relationships. Sometimes the written word is the easiest/best/quickest way to begin clear communication - especially when followed up with a face-to-face discussion.
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  • shirah

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    2013-10-29 12-37-59

    but it all depends on her willingness to discuss it, no matter how it's done without that , it's pointless
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  • hartney

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    2013-11-10 8-32-44-

    it sounds like sex is important to you if that's the case and you're finding it difficult to be patient and/or unwilling to let go of some of that drive to possibly rechannel it i'd say seriously reconsider your engagement. i don't know either of you of course. me? sex is fucking IMPORTANT. if i couldn't talk to you about it, if i had issues or concerns and you shut down, if i wasn't getting enough of it, if something were amiss, if any weird/bad associations were made, my life would be pretty annoying to the point where i'd end the relationship. there's A LOT i consider important for me but that i wouldn't impose upon or expect my sig other to understand or experience with me. sex is notof those things. it is an inextricable fibre in the fabric of a relationship, again, for ME. so how important is it to you. i can easily see myself staying together forever with a republican who only watches jean claude van damme pictures and puts tomato ketchup on everything they eat. but if you look at me funny when i ask for oral while i'm menstruating? we have a problem...
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  • burke

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    2013-11-24 0-23-52-

    JCVD and Katchup??? WTF, now you are frightening me
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    naill

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    2013-12-06 6-40-20-

    i know! but good fuckin' as you must know can come from anywhere, from any kinda uncurls your pubes to think about, but it does. sometimes you just can't tell and never know!
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    Fidelity

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    2013-12-11 3-24-53-

    That's what scares you about march hare? hehe
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    koelzer

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    2013-12-13 6-04-11-

    let's put it into perspective cece's thewho suggested i shove a toothpaste covered qtip up kinkbuddy's urethra.
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  • Elle

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    2013-12-14 7-12-57-

    LMAO! Excellent point. I realize on the kink scale I'm a x but youhot chicks are off the charts! Hell, I'm still warming up to the ginger idea - which I put off due to the piercing but I may try tonight if I'm feeling spicy (ass only tho)
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    olden

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    2013-12-18 14-13-20

    It is not a contest It is about enjoying yourself and your partner. Go at your own comfortable rate. Nowins anything, but everyone should have fun.
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    mault

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    2013-12-20 16-42-32

    Agree absolutely!!!! I don't mind being on the kink short bus, even when ed out for it like I have been at times, we both have a great time and that's all that matters to us!
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    magdalene

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    2013-12-23 14-50-32

    Now I feel guilty for the Safe word thread a few days ago. I can see where he may have felt I/we were judgeing him for not playing hard enough, yet at the same time, he was suggesting playing in such a way that your top ignored your safeword. I feel so ambivalent now.
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  • marzolf

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    2013-12-26 2-03-30-

    Oh no, no - no guilt! I love the fo' because I think it's easy to take the bits of fun & info we want and leave the rest. I say what I mean and mean what I say - I don't expect anyone to walk on eggshells on a forum, that would defeat the purpose IMO!
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  • wurst

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    2013-12-26 14-34-45

    So how did that work out?
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  • graybill

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    2013-12-26 20-55-08

    it hasn't happened yet but i'm excited to try considering how much he protested the tabasco up there :) i told him to set up a friggin account already and start posting on the fo so maybe later on today yall will get to meet him :D
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  • severa

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    2013-12-27 14-42-04

    He lurks doesn't he? So he kind of knows us?
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    minnifield

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    2013-12-28 4-36-39-

    nah, only when i link him interesting threads and i let him know when i put up pics of him in the wank
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